I Cant live without you
by MemoriesOfDyingDays
Summary: Haruhi is gone, and the hosts cant cope. This is a story from the P.O.V of each host.  :
1. Kyoya

**AN: hey, Its Inky! I recycled the beginning from my maximum ride fix….(: here… But yeah, each chapter will be from the P.O.V of a different host in the days after Haruhi is gone! So read on! this chapter is dedicated to all the kyo/haru lovers. :) bye 3**

**(HARUHI P.O.V)**

Sitting on the floor I sifted through my entire box of old photo's from months ago. In all the pictures she smiled and laughed. That was when I didn't know. As I stared at them now I realized I could already see the sickness in the set of her face, in the darkness lurking just behind the surface. I realized I probably had already known, somewhere in the back of my head a little voice had told me over and over "some things not right! It's inside! Its there already! You know this!" but I had ignored the voice and banished it from my thoughts. As time passed in the photos that were taken her smile had fallen a little. She was getting worse and worse. By the time I got to the last photo she obviously knew. I knew. The cancer was already there. In her. In me. I had pancreatic cancer and no hope. It had already spread. The doctors told me one evening while I shook, ravaged by pain. They started off solemnly "Fujioka-san..The cancer has spread, and there's a good chance that well…." The doctor sighed and looked at me. "I'm going to die." I stated it plain and simple. My words echoed in my head. I'm going to die, I'm going to die, I'm going to _**die**_. He looked about to deny it then saw my eyes, so serious, aged beyond a high school student. He told the truth. "Yes. You're going to die." Two days later I said good bye. I left peacefully, soundlessly without complaint. To the place where I sit now surrounded by constant smiles and a new life. Looking back at the people I loved and still do, I know one day I'll se them again. I close the box of photo's and whisper into the night two softly spoken words "Good bye".

**(KYOYA P.O.V)**

My head jerks up. I swear, I just heard Haruhi. I swear. Her soft, silky voice whispering in my ear, those words she never said to me, the words I had come to hate. Good Bye. How could she leave me? How? Im Kyoya Ootoori. No one leaves with out my dismissal, Dammit! I pound my fist against the table, growling. Tamaki startles from the desk next to me. In a flat voice he mutters "whats your problem, Ootoori? you didn't lose anything we didn't." I hiss back at him in a undertone "Shut the hell up, Suoh. " He looks away blankly.

I barely am able to hold myself back from punching that emotionless blonde in the face. How could he not cry, or punch things, or even scream until he loses his voice, Like i did every single night. Haruhi was GONE. How can he be so…so… Robotic! He was a heartless jerk, who couldn't come to terms with the loss of our princess. Who couldn't come to terms with the fact we had no more Haruhi. Haruhi.

The girl who had gone from the nerdy little gay guy who had amused me with his commoner looks and actions, to the cross-dressing girl the other hosts fussed over day and night, to the one thing I needed more than food and water. she was the air I breathed, the ground I walked on, and the sun that shined down on me. She was Haruhi Fujioka, and she was gone. And I was alone again. I cant bear it.

**AN:heh...sorry its so short... :) I'll try to update every week or so! Thanks, please review!(:**


	2. Hunny

**Heyy! Thanks to all my reviewers! You guys rock(: and sorry for the short chappy, and the gap between updatess... *smiles sheepishly* Imma busy girl! :P and this chappy is dedicated to my best friend Smaky! she loves hunny, and I love herr! (:**

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_**Hunny P.O.V**_

My head slumped to the desk. Why was it Haru-chan? Why not someone else? I would gladly take her place! I would give all the cakes in the world, I would forsake usa-chan and all things cute forever, Just to bring her back! My onee-chan! I wanted to scream and yell and sob, but no. I couldnt. I had to be strong. For Haruhi. I glanced over my shoulder, at takashi, who stared blankly off in the other direction, mixed emotions crossing his face. Anger. Denial. Hurt. Fear. But pain and loss stayed in his eyes, as did small tears and a deep-heartbreaking silence.

I pounded my head with my fists. How could this happen? "….-san..Hunny-san!" I startle and look up at my english sensei. " Hai?" I mutter in a small, flat voice. "Are you all right,dear? You look a little pale…"she looks on in concern as I nod my head sharply., and look away. She doesn't know. She hasn't heard the news of the loss of the princess. "haru-chan…" I whisper, small tears dripping off my cheeks. From her perch next to me, A nameless, Faceless regular of Tamaki's watches me. "Hunny-sempai? whats wrong?" the girl is concerned. She doesn't know,either. No one does. "Nothing. Mind your work." I wince at the sharpness in my tone, then turn away to watch takashi again.

He is now slumped in his seat, and appears to be asleep. The girls behind him titter, giggling at Takashi's sleeping form. I know better,though. He's not asleep. His breathing is off slightly, and his shoulders are squeezed in, as if protecting himself. I close my eyes. I cant bear to watch. I lost my onee-chan, But takashi lost something much more. He lost the person he loved. He'd never told her. I feel slightly bad. Takashi was always watching me, and never had time for Haruhi. the bell rings, and i wince. I open my eyes and stand, turning to walk beside takashi.

He's already gone.

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**Heehee! review! I love youuuuuu! :P **


	3. Hikaru

**Hey there, Aria-chan is heree! sorry the updates take so long.. *blush* Im busy. Veryy busyy. With the usualll(((: *wink-wink*Please dont hate mehhh... XD and thank you to all my awesome reviewers and favourite-ers. :3 hehee, read on, my loves! and really. Feel free to review.. *wink,wink-nudge,nudge...* **

BANG.

Ow.

I reached up and rubbed my temple. Stupid American sports day. Stupid

gym. Stupid school. Stupid loss. Stupid cancer. Stupid Kami. He made a

mistake. God isn't supposed to do that! I've pointed out many times to

kaoru how god betrayed us. He's such a stupid man. He gave the wrong

person cancer!

He could have anyone but haruhi. Anyone. They could

have milord! They could whisk away huni! Poof goes Mori! Byebye,

kyoya! Bring back haruhi! A tear slips down my cheek, and a few girls

gasp in preperation for a brotherly love act.

Kaoru glances down and mutters "get up. A pathetic volleyball couldn't hurt that bad." the

girls gasp, this time in utter disbelief. Well, kaoru just screwed our

brotherly love act to hell. Oh,well. It was getting old anyways. It

was only fun when haruhi was around to mess with. I blinked again.

Haruhi. I stand and rush out of the room, tears now streaming down my

face at an increasingly faster speed. I reached the doors and push

hard. Cold, bitter air bites at my cheek. A soft sob escapes my

tightly pressed together lips. It seemed like only yesterday that I

was laughing on the beach, begging haruhi to join us in the shining

blue waters.

Her beautiful eyes dancing as me and kaoru made a haruhi sandwich.

Her sweet laughter filling the air at us all dolled up in intricate dresses,bonnets and wigs, with more makeup on than a stripper.

Dancing around her,cooing over how adorable she looked in

the dress I had slaved over into the wee hours of the morning for,

just because she seemed tense yesterday, just to see her smile and

smack me over the head telling me to stop making things for her. I'd

laugh and make many more,completely ignoring her adorable little threats.

I froze. The revelation I'd never make a

dress for her ever again brought me to my knees. No. No! I thought of

the books full of designs I had never finished, the ideas that had yet

to be put onto paper, to be sewn together, piece by piece, meticulously put together, only to be filled with the slender,

warm being that was haruhi.

I can't help it. I raise my head to the

sky and howl with anguish, pain wrenching deep in my gut, pounding

through my veins, branding images of the repulsively thin shell of a

girl who used to be so full of life, so full of love and potential in

my mind. Haruhi was drained, gone, and never coming back.

I wept.


	4. Insight

**Heyy, its Aria. I updated early! Aren't you so joyed to be graced with a new chappie so soon? Im sorry its so short... Please don't keel meeee. TT~TT I kinda like this one, so dont shoot me. XD anyhoo, I'd like to thank Purplestar (yeah, i know thats not your full username, but i forgot the numbers... -_-... ) coz you reviewed twice! woo! And im up to 11 reviews, 9 favourites and 1o followers! XD squeee! So review, if you really mustt... *uses mind powers: REVIEWWWWW! DO ITT!***

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I press my face to the glass, yelling as loud as I can for them to

stop! Stop crying! I'm fine. I'm right here, see? I didn't leave you.

Please. Please don't cry. Please don't hate yourselves. This is my

fault! Hate me! "HATE ME!" I scream, pounding the glass with my fists,

tears streaming down my face."...why.." I sob out brokenly.

Suddenly, a hand is on my shoulder, pulling me up and into the persons arms.

"Haruhi, dear... It's nothing you did. The boys will deal with their

loss. Stop beating yourself up over this." I sobbed into my mothers

shoulder "but..but! He never knew. He never knew I loved him! I have

to go back. Please. Please!" I threw myself back at the glass,

screaming.

I pounded the glass with my fists, tears blurring my vision

as I watched kyoya melt in front of my very eyes, tears slipping down

his porcelain cheeks. I gazed at huni as he looked so dejected, lost

and confused. I watched him snap at girls and reject cakes. I saw

hikaru, running into the courtyard, screaming and howling as he

doubled over at the hole in his heart where I could now see I

belonged. I had a place with each of them. I cried, and watched. That

was all I could do. I pressed my hands against the glass and waited.

I watched my family fall apart. One by one.


	5. Tamaki

Hey it's aria! I did this completely on my iPod. O.o usually I write On my iPod and upload on the compooter... But wooo! Anyways, i hope you guys will have a better valentines day than I will. I finally got some lady balls and asked ryne out... He said no. Well, that's my life fOr ya.. Enjoy..review,please. Your reviews make me smile so much((: My fingers rested on the piano keys, refusing to jump around across the smooth alabaster keys, refusing to make the beautiful music haruhi loves-...loved.. I was always so happy when she got that dreamy look listening to me play to my hearts content, letting my mind rest and my heart do the talking. Heck, maybe haruhi knew I loved her. After all, with every stroke of my fingers against the piano a beautiful song, filled with love, passion and need was breathed to life. But this is-... Was... Haruhi we're talking about. The girl whose only love she held was towards her parents and fatty tuna. I snorted. The only way into that girls heart is-... Was.. Food. I laugh slightly at this. But the laugh is cold, hard and angry. I once again try the keys but the notes sound wrong. I feel wrong. I shouldn't be sitting here, with this cold, aching pit in my heart were a slender girl with warm caramel eyes belonged. This emptiness hurts. It is a dull ache, like a throbbing wound. But pinpoint the ache and press? All hell will break loose. The ache will turn to absolute agony, un- managable and un-tameable. The darkness will take over, and I will not be able to take it. I hear a soft noise from the window pane. A dull pounding, sounding to be far,far away and soft. I hear the quietest sobs, as if from a mouse and then,soft as a whisper of wind the missing girls voice, calling out "...hate me.." she calls. I jump up and run to the window, where She used to sit and gaze off and look out. A tear runs down my cheek. There is nothing. And there will not be again. Without Her, I am worthless. I am alone. 


	6. Mori

**Hey guys, Aria here! This is posted on valentines day! XD (which i hate..) Anyhoo! If your reading, review. And im sorry i made (quite a few of..) You cry! Its not fabulous to be honest, but you guys (reviewers) Help me want to go on with this story! Thank you(:**

**_and, as always... *wink,wink-nudge,nudge..* REVIEW! :P_**

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Thud.

Thwack.

Thump.

Ow.

I cringe as various blows rain on my arms, legs, face, head...

Everywhere. I didn't see them as they pounded against my skin, making

bruises. The others around me stopped,confused, as to why I was

beaten. By first years, no less. I adjusted my kendo uniform and began

to move to the changing rooms. I would be late, I vaguely observed. I

don't mind, though... There's no one to protect from the twins.. Or to

sit with silently. No Haruhi. This hurts more than the various aches

and pains from practice. I stepped around a small sniffling blonde

thing and kept walking to my locker. I quickly changed, and began to

move out. The blonde thing jumped at me, and hugged me. "Takashi!

Taka-..?" Hunny trailed off confusedly at my lack of response. I

glance at him and continue walking, a numbness comes over me as I

made my way towards the familiar room, where I would be expected to

smile and talk softly and calmly. Expected to lounge on the couch and snack on

little cakes, where I would have no one to pass strawberries to, no

one to save from the other hosts, no one. No more haruhi. Never again.

I pause outside the 3rd music room, and reach for the handle. Hunny

pulls open the door before my hand reaches the knob and steps in,

vanishing from my sight. I watch the door close, with a resounding

bang. The door is closed. I turn tail and run, as fast as I can.

Either speed or tears blur out the world around me, but I see it

anyways. The thin, emaciated girl propped up in the bed, the ghost of

a warm smile on her face. I hear the rattling, bone-chilling cough

and the shaky laughter. I hear the beeping of the machinery as it speeds up,

I hear her heart pounding. I see the fear in her eyes as she looks

past us, out the window,into the unknown. I feel terror and panic as

the noise flattens into one single,flat beep. Good bye, haruhi. Good

bye.


	7. Kaoru

**Hey there. Im sleepy, sad and just wanted to post this already. Read and review? Thanks.. (:**

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I close my eyes as my head slumps to the desk, dreams-.. Or should I

say nightmares... enclosing on me fast.

Tip-tap,tip-tap. The quiet rhythm of shoes smacking the cold

-cough. The sound of a girl so sick each cough sound

like her last. Beep-beep-beep. The sound of the girls heart speeding

up. Beeeeep. The sound of her heart dying. Ensue chaos, yelling and

crying. Flashes of images dance before my eyes. A blonde boy running

through the hallway, yelling for nurses to come to the girl. The raven

haired teen, sobbing into his hands, which seemed impossible. Him?

Cry? Why? Then the screaming of my mirror image, yelling to god to do

something. Ha. Fat chance. The little blonde clinging to the tall

black haired boy, with the lost,devastated look on his face. Then the

cold, pale girl laying in a hospital bed,soft chocolate orbs, now

glazed over and cold. Those beautiful eyes have gone dark, and the

world is cold.


	8. Heaven is Hell

A/N: hey(: I gotta boyfriend. XD And,here's the chapter. Oh! And btw...reviews make the chapters come faster. (; I woke up, panting, long silky strands of hair plastered to my sweaty face. I sit straight, reminding myself it was just a dream.. Even if it's the worst dream I've ever had. I died.. Maybe I'd tell Him about that dream.. He was so sad in the dream.. I smile sadly, knowing that even if I did die, he wouldn't cry. Not a tear. At most, a frown. I slump against the bed post, rubbing my eyes. I blindly groped the side table for my glasses, finally hitting the cold metal frame. I plucked them off the table and set them on my face. I blinked. Wh-wh-...WHERE AM I? I gasped, scrambling out of the huge fluffy bed. I stood on the thick carpets, looking around fearfully. I glanced along the walls, staring wide-eyed at the dark posters papering the black walls, with pictures of dark,emo men staring out with a sufficient amount of blood spattered on their torn,black clothing,boasting what I assumed was names of various bands. To say the least, It was scary. I examined the room, looking for any tell tale signs of where I was. None.. I continued to search the walls till my gaze landed on a thin, pale girl, with long fiery orange hair cascading just past her hips in little twists and curls, her black nightie for an American band hikaru liked and huge,frightened ice blue eyes,rimmed with loads of black eyeliner. I screamed. So did the girl in the door way. I kept screaming until a teenage boy rushed into the room, wearing a half-buttoned white shirt and black boxers. "Mai-chan!" he shouted running towards me "are you okay?" he said grabbing my shoulders. "WHO IS MAI?" I shreiked " AND WHERE THE HELL AM I?" i looked at the boy, wide-eyed. He sighed in relief and chuckled. "oh,Mai. Don't scare me like that!" he then pulled me close and kissed me. I stood,shocked,in his arms. Wh-What? I looked panicked at the girl but saw her looking at me in a boys arms.. Oh,no. Oh,heck no. No. I looked at the mirror wide-eyed. What happend..? 


	9. Love conquers all Right?

The man sighed. He was visibly torn as he watched the weeping girl press against the glass, calling out for her lost friends. She had so much life left.. He watched silently a few moments more. This girl.. Maybe. Maybe she would like one more chance. Maybe she needs one. Maybe I'll give it to her, this one last chance at life. This pure being deserved it. He thought for a moment more. In all his years, he had never witnessed such a pure soul so unwilling. She howled. He made a dessicion. save The young angels life, andtake the life of the one who did not want it. he let the angel fall into the empty girl. He gently brushed a lock of hair away, and closed her big brown eyes. 'Love conquers all. Even death.' He thought as Haruhi took her first shuddering breath as a new girl. 'love conquers all.' A/N: sorry for the update gap. Will you guys pweeze review? I'm feeling down, and I need something to make my day better. Free Usa-chan shaped cookies to reviewers? (: 


	10. Alone he cries

A/N: *hands out Usa-chan cookies* look! This chappie has the fabulous,the moody,the adorableee...KYO-CHAN! Woohooooooo! Anyhoo, As a response to a review, I will never tell who she loves unless haruhi tells you herself! (in another chappiee..) oh,and R&R pweezeeee! Shmanks. so, without further ado.. I give you a chapterr! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~DIVIDER!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ kyoya sat silently staring at this man he barely knew. " I think it's time you stopped wasting your time moping about. She was nothing but a commoner,anyways. A Completely useless girl, didn't know her place." Kyoya feels something stir deep within him, an aching pain, an urge to jump at this man and beat him senseless for saying She was worth nothing. She was his everything. "anyways, I've come to a desicion." the man stated coldly," you are to be married in 2 weeks,to the Yuiko's youngest girl. This is a very important deal, it could further our business quite nicely. So,don't mess up,boy." Kyoya blinks. No. No. I can't marry anyone but Haruhi. Never. The man looked at him icily. " remember,If this works out.. You will be in the lead. Your doing this." he watches kyoya expectantly. Kyoya stands and bows. "yes,father." he says and walks calmly out of the door of his fathers office. He makes it around the corner and into an alley before sinking to his knees, sobbing. "please,please. Give haruhi back! Please.." he cries,head tilted toward the sky. " please,Kami. Please don't make me do this..please. I n-need her. I can't marry this girl...I..I..I- I love haruhi! Please!" he yells towards the darkened cloud-heavy sky. "I can't live with out her!" he shouts desperately,as the first drops of rain fell and mingled with his tears "..I can't live with out you.." he says softly. The boy sits alone,and the angels weep. 


	11. In my head

'I am Haruhi Fujioka.' ... 'then who is this I am inside?' I think staring at the girl in the mirror a few moments longer as the boy pulls back,an easy,happy grin on his face. Takes my hand and begins to tote me through another door. I lose sight of the foreign skin I wear as we walk away. The boy chatters on, talking about bands, concerts, shops, cakes, nothing important,really.. I am overwhelmed. I have no clue where I am,at all,or for that matter,WHO I am. I stop moving and the boy turns to me,confused. "what's my name?" I ask him, a completely lost look on my face. "...Mai..?" he answers slowly. "my full name." I hiss. "Mai Yuiko..." I sink to the ground,trembling. Mai Yuiko.. The name sparks something in my head,a few memories of this girl. 'I-I am Haruhi,not Mai...'I slowly think.. "and you?what's your name?" I look up at him cautiosly. "Aleck Vaughnelle." Suddenly, with a rush of pain, the memories wash over me. Aleck standing next to me on a balcony,looking at the stars. Our first kiss. The way he looked as he swam in the river,moonlight thick upon his soft blonde hair. Getting ready to leave Paris. Begging,pleading for father to let me bring the sweet French boy home,too. Triumph. Aleck standing, grinning wolfishly in his butler-uniform,looking handsome as ever. The memories fill up my mind, leaving the lone memory of a small girl with beautiful brown eyes just a faint shell of a dream. I know no life but this. I am Mai Yuiko. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ A/N: be kind to me.. I know it was horrid,I apologize. I tried,at least...~~~~~~~~ 


	12. Tamaki and his lost dream

"I had a dream. In it, you held me. You loved me. I was loved,I was happy. I was yours. But that's all it was. All it is. All it ever will be. A dream. In the morning I wake up, and it's gone. Whisked away into the cover of night, to linger on my mind a few moments more, wishing with every fiber of my being it was true. But it was only just a dream. It's my dream. My lost dream. Like you,gone. Flying quick like a whisper from the lips of an angel. What a horrible dream. You left me again, my lost dream. Please,stop. Stop. Don't leave. I need you.. I never needed you more. Please,come back. I love you. I need you." I crooned softly as my fingers stroaked the cool ivory keys, coaxing beautiful, soaring notes with each movement. I sat in the dark,lonely room and sang to you. Can you hear me,love? Can you hear me Haruhi? I need you to hear me. Please.. Please. I have given up the cold,angry feelings, and let my music take over. The sadness,loss and pain leaked into the music. I am alone,with out you,I am lost. My little lost dream. ~~~~~~A/N: thank you my dear reviewers..(: keep on reviewingg! 


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